A Hand to Hold
by wshinwells7
Summary: Rose is trapped in Pete's world without a hand to hold. This is the story of how she gets back to normal.


Hand Holding

For the first month no one noted anything unusual was wrong. Rose was grieving her old life and her doctor. One month was all that Pete was going to give her to sulk around. They had all lost someone, and he knew that doing something, anything would be more helpful then staring at the bare walls of her bedroom. He told her she should be doing something productive with her life. Rose just stared at him blankly knowing that no job would be able to compare with the job she had of defending her old universe. It was then that he said the word: Torchwood. It made her flinch. Torchwood was, after-all, the reason she was here; without him.

Rose agreed to go and see their Torchwood facilities. That day she dressed carefully in a pair of khakis and a blue shirt with a brown corduroy jacket. Her closet was full of clothes that her mum bought for her but as she looked in the mirror she realized she picked an outfit out that would make him proud. She made her way down into the dining room to hear her parents discussing her trip. Jackie was scared that it was too soon. Rose listened as Pete reassured her that nothing would happen to Rose, and for a moment she remembered a time when her Doctor had made that same promise to her mother.

It was a short drive into the city. Torchwood was located close to the old Parliament buildings. Pete explained how things had been working since the cybermen had fled his world. He told her about his role and Mickey's and Jake's. He explained that she could join as a field agent or as a research agent, and by the time they were entering the parking garage her head was swimming.

"Welcome to Torchwood," Pete said as they entered the building.

It was a bustling place. Most of it was made of glass and steel. Rose watched the people come and go; no one taken notice of Pete and her. She spotted Mickey talking to Jake as Pete began to lead her towards the reception desk.

"Sorry about this, but I have to log you in as a visitor until you get your credentials."

He reached out and grabbed her hand to pull her to the desk when he noticed her hesitation. The second his skin touched her hand Rose let out a scream of pain. She tried to pull her hand out of his grasp just as Pete pulled her closer trying to find the source of her scream.

"Stop," she yelled out. "Stop touching me."

Pete watched his daughter's face as he let go of her hand. She clutched it back to her chest as if it was broken. She looked pained and tired. He stood there as she gasped in air as the pain passed. Mickey came rushing to her side and took her by the shoulders.

"Rose," he said making her eyes focus on his face.

"I..." she shuddered. "I'm sorry." Rose turned to face her father.

"Are you alright?" Mickey's voice tore through her continued apologies.

"Yes," she pushed her hair away from her face and attempted a smile. The smile failed. "I'm fine."

It was two days later that Rose told Pete she would like to join Torchwood as a researcher. After-all, she mused to a stunned Jackie, she knew a fair bit about alien technology. Pete, Jackie and Mickey were cautiously thrilled about the news. None of them broached the subject of Rose's freak out at Torchwood with her, but they talked about it among themselves. Pete figured it was because she was still grieving, but Jackie and Mickey weren't so sure.

Mickey was there for her for her first week at Torchwood because Pete wanted a full report of how Rose was doing and treated. He got himself temporarily assigned to the research team that Rose was assigned to.

Rose seemed to blossom as her first week went on. She still had an air of sadness about her, Mickey noted, but the distraction seemed to be working. Most of her co-workers were cautious around her. She being the boss's daughter meant that her co-workers thought she was giving preference over others. It wasn't until Wednesday that they realized she knew her stuff.

On Wednesday she was assigned to Anne who gave her a tour of the lab. Anne chattered on when she noticed Rose came across the unidentifiable table. "Everything on this table is something we haven't been able to identify. On slow days we all go grab something and see if we can figure it out."

Mickey watched Anne and Rose from the sidelines as his best friend went over and picked up a piece of alien junk. He knew that no one could figure out what it was, but Rose smiled softly as she picked it up. Anne stopped talking as Rose softly stroked the alien instrument. It let out a soft note and Rose's small smile grew slightly bigger.

"How did you do that?"

"Oh," Rose said softly and put the instrument back on the table. "I've seen it played before." Her eyes grew wide and Anne noted her search for Mickey. When she found him on the South wall her body relaxed.

"Can you make it do that again?" Anne asked and picked up the instrument to hand it to Rose.

Rose felt the instrument being put into her right hand, and she felt the other girl's fingers gently brush against her skin. Her hand jerked away as she let out a small gasp of pain. The instrument clattered to the floor and Mickey was by her side a few seconds later.

"Rose?"

"It's nothing," she said as she picked up the instrument. Her hands automatically made the instrument play hauntingly beautiful notes. After a few minutes Anne resumed the tour, and no one but Mickey made note of her strange aversion to her hands being touched.

Research Team Alpha (RTA) was the team Rose was assigned to, and it was also the team that Mickey and Jake worked most closely with. Pete thought it best that she saw a few faces she knew and she was grateful for his thoughtfulness. It had been one year since Rose had started working. Her co-workers no longer thought she was hired because of her father, but they have noted that the past few months she has seemed more withdrawn than normal.

"So Rose," Anne, the girl who gave her a tour on her first day, spoke from across the way. "You coming to the party tonight?"

"Maybe," Rose said as she stared at a small box on the table.

"I heard Mickey is going to be there." Anne knew that the two were close friends and there was always rumors surrounding their relationship status.

"Yeah," She said as she clicked the button on the side of the box.

The box clicked open and Rose found herself surrounded by thousand of bright yellow particles. They floated in the air around her and she giggled slightly at their touch.

"Oh crap," She said as they began to scatter around her.

Frantically her fingers searched the sides of the box and found another button. The nanogenes flew back into the box which clicked shut as the last one was captured, and she let out a sigh of relief.

"What was that?" Anne asked as everyone crowded around Rose.

"Nanogenes," she said authoritatively. Her voice took on the familiar tone of the Doctor's. "They are capable of healing small wounds in seconds and I've seen them bring back the dead. Well, it went sort of wrong, but we righted it in the end. Everybody lived."

Rose listened as Anne told Mickey about what Rose had discovered earlier that day. She smiled slightly as Mickey looked at her and asked when that had happened. Her smile faltered and no one said anything more for several minutes.

The party was in full swing. If there was one thing Torchwood excelled at it was partying. They lived by the motto Work Hard; Play Hard. Rose stayed at the bar for most of the night sipping lime and soda. People would come over to her and she would talk with them, but for the most part she watched the festivities.

She saw her parents in the corner talking to some of the higher up staff; Jackie was six months along in her pregnancy and glowing. She saw Mickey still talking to Anne, and she saw Jake getting ready to leave with his guy of the week. She watched as they made their way over to her.

"Didn't want to leave without saying goodnight," Jake said as he pulled her into a one arm hug.

"Have a goodnight," Rose said looking at the new guy.

"Oh sorry. Rose, this is Ethan." Jake made the necessary introductions as Ethan stuck out his hand to shake hers.

Without thinking Rose reached out to do the same. She heard Jake's voice from far away say no. The second her hand met his she felt an overwhelming loss. Her breath began to come in shallow breaths and her vision swam before her eyes. Jake's arms braced her as she began to fall. She could hear her parents rushing forward. Her father was calling for a medic, and her mother was screaming her name, but all she could feel was the overwhelming pain of loss.

"Rose," Her mum's voice reached into her subconscious. She tried to fight off becoming awake. Through sleep was the only way she saw him now.

"My Doctor," she mumbled and a sigh forced her into full awareness.

"No, Rose," there was that sigh again. "It is me, Mum."

Her eyes sought out her Mum's. She found her among the stark white of the hospital room. "How did I get here?"

"That is what we want to know."

Beside her mum was Pete, Jake, and Mickey. She looked at them all in wonderment. "We've all noticed these moments. And they have happened more frequently since we got back." Mickey spoke for the group.

"Why is it that when anyone touches your hands you cry out in pain?" Jackie reached out to grab her daughter's hand but stop short when Rose flinched.

"It hasn't gotten worse," Rose said avoiding the question. She pulled her hands close to her chest.

"Yes, it has." Jackie said. "So much that Pete was forced to send out a memo asking all staff to avoid touching your hands."

"What?"

"It was the only thing we could think of." Pete started to explain, "I figured it would eventually go away, but these past few months it has gotten worse."

"You mean after Bad Wolf Bay." Rose spat out.

"Why hands?" Jake asked, "You don't mind a hug, and we can even joke around, but when your hands come in contact with someone's else you lose yourself."

Rose looked down at her hands. She knew why, but she wasn't sure she could explain it properly.

"It's because of him isn't it," Mickey said quietly.

"You know the first time I met the Doctor he grabbed my hand and told me to run." Her voice was barely above a whisper, and tears streamed silently down her face. "I clung to his hand throughout time and space. I thought I would never let go until I withered and died. I promised him forever."

Everyone knew there wasn't a right thing to say at her declaration. "Then at," she took a big breath as if bracing herself for bad news. "Bad Wolf Bay I never even got to touch him one last time. I told him I loved him. " Rose could feel the walls she built protecting herself from her own grief coming down and her breath was coming in short gasps.

"He didn't say it back." She choked out, "But I know."

Jackie watched as doctors swarmed into the room. She watched as the tried to get her daughter to calm down, and when they couldn't she watched as they stuck a needle in her. It was three hours later and Jackie had not left her daughter's bedside.

"They say she will be out of it for some time. We should go home and get some sleep." Pete spoke from beside her.

Jackie shook her head, "I'm not leaving her. When she wakes up I'll be there. Like I've always been." She knew her words were hurtful but it was the truth. Her eyes went back to her sleeping daughter and she watched as Pete drew up a chair and sat opposite her.

Two years passed, and in Rose's free time she took to studying the stars. As it was she was one of the first to notice the stars going out. It didn't take much for her to convince Pete that they needed the Doctor. She set about using her knowledge of time, space, and alien instruments to make a new Dimension Cannon. It took some time and she used the first Dimension Cannon as her prototype. Part of her toyed with calling it a Vortex Manipulator after Jack's device, but she dismissed it quickly.

One day when she was fiddling around in her lab she was visited by Jake and Mickey who brought her some of the more interesting and dangerous stuff they found on their trips. Mickey started joking around with Rose about chips while Jake made his way over to the Dimension Cannon table.

"I can't believe you are still mucking about with this. The Doctor closed the Void for a reason. You are behaving just like the big bad wolf."

Both Rose and Mickey froze when Jake spoke. Rose slowly turned to face Jake, "What did you just say?"

Jake smiled, oblivious to the tension in the room at his words. "Oh, you know the big bad wolf? You are going to huff and puff and blow the Void apart to reach him."

"Rose," Mickey suddenly put his arms around Rose's waist. He was holding her away from the Dimension Cannons. Rose had told him all about what Bad Wolf meant. He knew that those words were a part of her and that when spoken they were leading her back to the Doctor.

"We need to talk to Pete before you do anything." Mickey said forcefully while he practically carried her out of the lab.

Pete gave her the go ahead only hours later. Her first jump was horrible; she almost died. Her body was pushed into the snowy ground. She shakily stood. Standing there in the shadows she watched a younger version of herself walk away and the Doctor stumble into the Tardis.

"Rose Tyler," a gentle voice spoke to her left. She turned and saw an Ood, "I am Ood Sigma."

"What is wrong with the Doctor?" She wanted to run to him but something was holding her back.

"His song has come to an end." The Ood's voice held so little emotion and he spoke with such finality.

Rose looked toward where the Tardis had stood. She had not noticed that while she talked to Ood Sigma that it had taken off. "What does that mean? Is he dying?"

"Yes."

"But why did he come here? If I found him why would he need to come back here?"

"He is alone."

Rose let out a gasp at his words. The Doctor being alone was dangerous. He needed someone to stop him. Someone to remind him of his humanity. He needed her.

"I don't find him." The words nearly killed her.

"Your song is just beginning. I will give you this," Rose reached out to take the tiny piece of black coral that Ood Sigma offered to her. "You must follow the most Noble of songs. There you will find your peace."

Rose fumbled for the Dimension Cannon. Her fingers slipping in the cold. She couldn't stay in this spot any longer without risking seeing herself. After a second, she found herself back in the Torchwood lab.

It was three weeks before she could attempt to even go near the Dimension Cannon lab. No one dared bring up the subject after she almost shot a fellow researcher who asked what she had done wrong. Her second jump was only a tiny bit better. She found herself in the white room at Canary Wharf. A voice told her to not move; if she moved they would shoot.

"Can I at least see the person who is going to shoot me?"

People shuffled behind her. She felt hands patting her down, and then turned her around to face them. "Thanks," she said. "I hate that wall."

"Who are you?"

Rose took in the black uniforms and the red hats. UNIT she thought. "What are you doing in Torchwood?"

"This isn't Torchwood anymore."

"But you don't deny that it was. And I'm a friend."

"She is human." The same voice that threatened to shoot her spoke with authority on her humanity.

"Sometimes," Rose said with a shrug. "Last time I was here there was Daleks and Cybermen."

"You were here for the battle."

"In this very room. I need some information on a family called Noble. I know that she traveled with the Doctor at one point. She might still be..." It hurt Rose to think of someone taking her place, but she knew he needed someone.

"There have to be several hundred Nobles in London alone."

"You guys know the Doctor. He worked for you at one point. You must keep track of him. So, please, tell me about her."

Three hours later Rose had a solid lead. Her fingers touched the button and she was back.

After ten tries she noted that she could track people's timelines. She tried to focus on the Doctor but found herself tracking a Donna Noble instead. At first she was devastated, but then she found herself in another alternate dimension.

Donna Noble was brilliant. It was the first thing Rose thought after meeting her. She had watched the Racnoss Star attack London, and she ran up as it all came to an end thinking her Doctor would be standing there smiling brilliantly. Her world came crashing down when Donna spoke those words. Even as the red head said that the Doctor was dead she then went on to try and console Rose with some hope that it might not have been her Doctor.

She jumped home and lost herself in her pain once more. Rose vowed that the next time she jumped she would prevent his death. She wound up seeing Donna again but this time she was prepared. Rose knew that something was wrong with the timeline. This was something she knew she could fix. When she tells Donna she is going to die a part of her breaks. As time reverts to Donna's original choice she approaches the girl and whispers two words in her ear.

She found herself pushed back into her lab. The smile that was on her face was one that no one but Jackie and Mickey had seen. It was a smile made solely for the Doctor. "I did it," she shouted.

"Rose," Her mum's voice broke through her actions. One of her parents were always waiting for her in the jump room. Waiting for her to come back.

"The next time I jump I'll be jumping back to the right time and place."

"Don't go," Rose stopped picking up a newly charged Dimension Cannon and looked at her mum. "If you find him you'll never come back. I know that you chose him over me once but think about everything. You've got a life here. A life without him, and a family. If you go you'll miss getting to see Tony grow up."

"Mum," Rose hugged her. "I made my choice so long ago. When I told him forever I meant it."

"Then I'll come too," Jackie said.

"You can't Mum. It will be dangerous."

With that she told them to lock on to Donna Noble. The jump landed too early. She found herself staring up at the Adipose ship. A demanding voice caused her to look around: there was Donna talking into her cell. She tossed keys into a bin and then walked over to Rose. Rose didn't say anything as she mentioned the bin and a women named Sylvia.

Rose made it back to the lab, grabbed a gun, took a deep breath and was off again. She knew she was in the right place and at the right time the second she landed. Rose looked up at the sky and saw the planets and knew it all had started.

Jackie waited five minutes before she cornered Mickey and told him what they were going to do. They found Sarah Jane and then Captain Jack. Two people Jackie didn't know, but Mickey did through his adventures with the Doctor and Rose. It was as they were teleported into the Crucible's main room that she saw Rose and the Doctor.

Mickey noticed that Rose clutched the new Doctor's hand. She held it between both of hers as if one was not enough. He told the old Doctor that there was nothing waiting for him anymore back in the parallel universe. Rose would never be his and he had known that back when he first choose to stay in Pete's World.

The Doctor knew what he had to do when he heard Mickey speak those words. This was the girl who would cross time and space to save him...always. He needed to give her something in which to cling to. Something to say...Something he could never give her, and when he saw the other him he knew. Their eyes met and both Doctors knew what was going to come, and they knew in order for her to accept what was going to come one would lose her forever.

Brown pinstriped suit versus the solid blue suit. Part of her likes the solid blue a little bit better. He is rash and rude like her original Doctor. She stands in-between her two Doctors. One part human; the other fully Time Lord. They looked at one another and Rose knew he was making her choice for her. She knew she should feel offended, but when the part human Doctor whispered those three words in her ear she didn't. He was hers and no one else's.

Still it came as a shock when the other Doctor left her without a goodbye. She watched the Tardis disappear, and her Doctor came up to grab her hand. It was the first time on the parallel world where she didn't feel the pain of his loss, and as she looked at him she realized she would never feel that again.


End file.
